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Now dad to Adalyn (Ady), 6, and Matilda (Millie), 19 months, Tobias says the news that he was going to become a father brought a mix of “extreme excitement and happiness” alongside a healthy dose of worry.

“I better start acting my age!” he jokes.

For Tobias, becoming a dad meant suddenly having not one, but two little lives to protect, nurture and guide. “It put a lot of things in context for me and helped me to focus on what really is important in this world and those that are not, even if they had been previously.”

That sense of perspective became even more real when he met his eldest daughter for the first time.

“I was speechless and a little lost, to be honest,” Tobias recalls. “Pregnancy seems to go on forever and then in what seems like a blink of an eye; they are there curled up in your hands, looking so innocent and defenceless.”

Ady had trouble breathing when she was born and needed oxygen and assisted ventilation. Tobias trusted the midwives caring for her but says he had never felt so helpless or scared.

It was one of those moments that changed everything.

Learning what really matters

Before becoming a dad, Tobias remembers thinking he would do things differently from his own parents.

“I remember when I was a kid and my father not buying me a toy and saying to myself that I would be different when I was a parent.”

But parenthood has a funny way of changing your perspective.

“I realise that it was probably one of the best lessons that I was taught. The ‘want’ and the ‘need’ are two different things.”

For Tobias, one of the hardest parts of parenting is also one of the most important: saying no.

“When a child is gifted everything they want, then they lose the wonder and excitement of working and waiting for something, which makes it all the sweeter.”

And then there are the questions.

“The most challenging part? Answering all the ‘whys’!”

There’s also the constant juggle of family, work and finding time for yourself.

“I don't think you ever really quite get the balance right; it's more about shifting the weight to make sure there’s a spread and paying attention to notice which one needs your attention the most at any given time, including yourself.”

Seeing the world through their eyes

For Tobias, the most rewarding part of being a dad isn't one particular milestone or moment.

It's watching his daughters discover the world.

“I had long forgotten how exciting a simple bubble could be!”

That sense of wonder was on full display at the Ōtaki Kite Festival this year. Ady was busy running around, dancing to the live music and trying to convince mum and dad to buy something from almost every stall, while Millie was taking it all in, people-watching and keeping a close eye on her big sister.

And above them, both girls looked up in wonder at the colourful kites filling the sky.

For Tobias, those moments are what fatherhood is all about.

“Seeing the wonder in their eyes as they experience and witness new things, things that in your age you have taken for granted.”

A different view of his own parents

Becoming a father has also given Tobias a new appreciation for his own parents.

“When we first had Ady I thought my parents would have all the answers.”

But it didn't take long for him to realise that his parents, like every other parent, were figuring it out as they went.

“They too are still making sense of this life as parents, how to juggle it and responsibilities.”

Now, with his own experience of the bills, responsibilities and daily demands of family life, his respect and gratitude for his parents has only grown.

This too shall pass

The sleepless nights and tough days are inevitable.

But six years into fatherhood, Tobias has learned that the difficult moments don't last forever.

“Nothing remains forever, even a sleepless night.”

For him, staying grounded is about remembering that whatever challenge is happening in the moment will eventually pass, and there’s always something exciting around the corner.

“Even if it’s only a game of golf!”

That balance between being there for his family and making time for himself is something Tobias believes is important.

Fatherhood, he says, isn't all about sacrifice. It's about balance, being aware of where your time is needed most, and being willing to pivot when something comes up.

Father’s Day, Tobias-style

So, what does Father's Day mean to him?

“A sleep in?”

Perhaps.

For Tobias, it can be something different each year — a low-key family day, a walk along the river, a bike ride to the park, or simply some time to himself.

This year, if the weather plays along, the family might head to Raumati Beach for the miniature trains, which will be a first for Millie, followed by an ice cream.

And then, naturally, a round of golf.

His advice to new dads is simple:

“One foot in front of the other.”

Especially at 3am.

“When you’re rocking that crying baby and they finally close their eyes and drift off, make sure you give it an extra two to five minutes of rocking.”

Because, as Tobias has learned, there’s nothing worse than putting a baby down too soon and having to start all over again.

Six years into fatherhood, Tobias knows there isn't a perfect formula for being a dad. There are sleepless nights, endless questions, unexpected challenges and plenty of moments that test your patience.

But there is also wonder, laughter, perspective and the privilege of watching two little people discover the world for the first time.

And perhaps, sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply keep putting one foot in front of the other.